Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
