Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
