I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
