Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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