There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im holly from the hills drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
