We should be called the Road Head Warriors
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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