Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
