I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize