you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
