she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
