Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Say something about gay babies.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
