What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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