This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
