I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
