You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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