The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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