The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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