The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
