I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
