That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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