yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
