we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
