It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
