omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i will never coherently bang her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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