Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
