We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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