Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
