Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
