I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
