Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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