"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
