false alarm. still invincible.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
