Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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