Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
