Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
