His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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