its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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