I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
