I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
