Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
