If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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