So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
