Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
