I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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