how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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