You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
