we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
