I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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