i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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