I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
