you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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