glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
