Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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