It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
