wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
