Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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