Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's shark week go big or go home
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
