S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
