either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize