best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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