And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize