Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
two words...techno handjob
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
