In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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