i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
