He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
