the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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