I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
