fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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