just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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