I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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