I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
