I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
