We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
