I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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