if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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