You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
