peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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