i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
