So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
