Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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