I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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