please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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