im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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