Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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