I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
