Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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