Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
