i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
