Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
