If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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