it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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