I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
