I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
