Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The air taste purple.
Randomize
