The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
