Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
